So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
