apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
