please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
