I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
