Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
