I wish my penis had an off switch
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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