Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
