Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The air was thick with penises
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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