he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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