omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
