I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
