Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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