i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Randomize
