Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
