I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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