I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
