I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
