Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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