yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize