Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
