He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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