Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
