Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
