He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
