I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
