i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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