all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
