My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
