I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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