is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
