Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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