This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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