Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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