I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
