Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize