Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
