There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize