dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
