It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
