dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
