Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
