I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
