They should really pass out barf bags in church
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
