i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
