Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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