Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
