Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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