Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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