Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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