I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
