He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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