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Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
