we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
