dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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