I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
