Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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