you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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