i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize