Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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