happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
