Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
