Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
She needs sedatives and a leash
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
