Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
