Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
