I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
