just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
