you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
