I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
